Love? Do you?
by HazZel and CriMson
Summary: Suddenly a dark cloud appeared from the ground where she stood. It engulfed her starting from her toe. "Dimitri… I'm sorry. I love you. I'm sorry I'm not good enough. I'm sorry I lov-.." before she finished she already fell into the darkness.
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER : I don't own Vampire Academy. It belongs to Richelle Mead. (i envy her T.T)**

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><p>Today was the day. She'd talk to Dimitri about them. Enough with the Push-Rose-Away or I-don't-want-to-talk-or-see-her thing. She is going to church. She knew he was there. After yesterday event where he was asked about the-strigoi-thing to convinced people that he is no longer a strigoi he had asked to come to the church to prove it.<p>

She walked down the hall towards the church to pray to god. Hoping this time he would talk to her. After all, The love of her life just denied her over and over and over again this past two weeks.

As she walked in to the church she realized that he was there. Sat on the back rows with head hanging down. Alone.

She encourage herself to approach him. In the past months she always missed him. But since he was restored back he always pushed her. She always wanted to talk to him, but he never acknowledged her presence. And this time she will talked to him.

No. She must talk to him.

She sat herself next to him. Barely breathed his wonderful scent. At first he didn't notice, but when the wind blew past his face which brought her scent to his nose his head snap in super speed. She was shocked by the revelation that those brown eyes hold.

The feelings that those eyes hold. Anger, hurt, pain, sorrow, disgust, love.

They mixed together.

"What are you doing here Rose? Am I not clear about my statement?" he asked in a cold tone. But you could tell that he was suffering.

"Why? I'm just praying... Can't I?" answer Rose with concern in her voice. She lied. And both of them knew it. Her beautiful brown eyes sparkled with so much love. But there were also hurt and pain.

"You are an atheism. And you didn't answer my question," he stated.

"You either"

"I asked you first" he said a little angry.

"Dimitri you must talk to me. You can't ignore me like this! You owe me!" she said a little loud. Anger start to build inside her heart. Since they restored him back she didn't have time to release the darkness from herself. Not to mention Lissa has been used a lot of spirit lately.

"No, I owe The Princess, and I must stay away from you" he whispered it slowly. The look on his face was very painful. "I ashamed of myself. Of what I've done to you… I can't face you. Everytime I see you I remember what I did. What I was." he added with a hurtful tone.

"It's not you Dimitri! It's not your fault. It was the monster that just looked like you!" Rose said desperately

"No Rose it's me. It's my body. I can't forget it, their face when I killed them, they begged for life, their scream and their hatred which show on their eyes. They haunted me rose. And you… I used you! Tempting you with sex, and turned you into my blood-whore!" he shouted pulled a few head toward their seat.

Both of them started to get angry. Angry with their self. Angry with each other for putting a high standard. Angry that they felt helpless, they hate to felt it. Angry at fate that forcing them to be apart from the beginning.

"You had no soul when it happened. It's not your fault." she softly whispered.

"I'm sorry Rose, I can't be with you" he said. His head hanging down shoulder slumped back. Tired clear in his voice.

Rose who already on the edge couldn't believe this. She jumped up abruptly making him surprised. Darkness started to took over her body, she just had a little string to keep it in check.

"But I love you! And I know you love me. We're soul mate Dimitri, a couple made in heaven!" Rose said angrily. Her eyes started to become darker.

The words stabed him in the heart. She was right. They loved each other, even now when he pushed her away, they couldn't ignore the tension and the electricity. They were soul mate, a couple made in heaven. But he couldn't forgive himself. Not after what he did. How could she?

All the space in his heart was full with guilt and grief. It haunted him. The way he enjoyed their face when he drained the life from their body. How he enjoyed the weak Rose that time.

Now, because of it he couldn't –can't- love anymore. He couldn't forgive himself.

"You are right," this brought smile to Rose's lips. But his next word just liked a stab in the heart. "That time we were a soulmate. But it was in the past Rose. It was. And now it **is not**." He said in a cold voice. Guardian mask on.

How she hate that mask.

Tears started to welled up in her eyes threaten to come out.

"No. I love you Dimitri. I won't give up on you." Rose shouted desperately trying hard to control the darkness so she wouldn't lose control. Rose started to turn around walked away, but before she took a step Dimitri stood in his feet and said it in a cold voice that even rose would rather die than to face it.

"I've give up on you," he said monotonously with a guardian mask on "Love fades. Mine has." his final words like a bullet shot through her chest and not directly to her heart. Instead, it comes so slowly pierce her heart. And that did it. That word set her off to the edge and darkness started to took over her body, mind and soul.

A drop of tear rolling down her now pale cheek. She wiped it away as soon as it appeared. She didn't want to show weakness. She didn't know what she would do. She just knew that she wanted the ground to grow a hole and swallow her. She wanted to be alone.

He knew it was a lie. No matter what, in his heart he couldn't deny that he still love the woman in front of him. The wonderful woman he has ever seen all his life. But it was for her. He knew it would hurt her, but she deserve someone better than him. Someone who could love her with all his might and wouldn't hurt her.

He thought she would survive it. After all she is a wonderful woman. She was strong. She would get through this. But what he didn't expect was something that he never imagined would happen to her.

Never in her life had she felt so hurt like that. She felt alone, helpless, and lost. She hate that feelings. All she wanted was to be gone. To finally rest with a peaceful mind.

Finally, with one last looked at Dimitri she turned around and walked out of the church like a lost child with her head hanging down.

When she already out of the sight she ran as fast as she could with her petite legs. Didn't know where her legs brought her, she just ran and ran without destination. Without she knowing her little legs has brought her to a large building. A building that she knew so well. A building that become her third house. Of course the first was St. Vladimir's, but the second you'd never expect it.

The belikov's.

Yes, didn't expect it right? But it's true. When she hunted strigoi Dimitri she accidentally arrived at belikov's –in a promising condition, you know where she bleed, hurt and knock out. While she was there they treated her well. Even if in the end she went without their permission. Not to mention her fight with Dimitri's little sister, Viktoria Belikov.

She didn't know if they still welcome her there. However no matter what they will be her second home.

She opened the door to the gym with a bang and entered it as if she was chased by ghost.

It was mid-day, so there were enough people in the gym to practice or just work out some muscles.

Everyone stared at her wide eyes. It was not the first time people saw her angry. Nevertheless, this is the first time they saw her so furious. Like she wanted to rip everybody's neck and burn it to ash.

Hell, she looked like the devil herself.

Not everyone ever noticed it. Her skin, it was darker then her usual tanned as if she just got burn in the sun. Her eyes, they were as dark as black hole. And her hair was as dark as midnight.

To say they were scare was an understatement. They didn't scare for their life. They scared for hers.

However, they couldn't take their eyes off of her. She was still beautiful. Just like an angel.

Angel of death.

She walked toward the punching bag and punch it with all of her might. At first, it was just fast, but each time she gave a punch the speed was increase slowly until it couldn't be seen with bare eyes.

It was fucking fast.

Faster than strigoi.

She kept punching the bag while she recalled what sacrifice that she had already done in the past few months.

She had to watch the love of her life dead –or turned in her case- in front of her eyes, torn away from him. She must drop out of school left her bond mate, best friend, and practically sister in order to free him from the state he was in and risking her career in the process. She went to the other side of the world just for him, being kidnapped and become his blood-whore, escaped and staked him.

Unfortunately, the stake didn't hit the heart, so he was still alive or dead? Well undead. Because of it, he hunted her. Then she find a way to bring him back. Broke a prisoner not to mention her biggest enemy from Tarasov.

But she did it. She did the impossible. Bring the undead to life.

However, reality just so cruel. Never in her life has she hated the world so much. She hated the fate she was in. Hate it with the vibes of her being.

Why? Because in the end of her sacrifice where she thought everything would be alright, where everything would be back to the way it was before was wrong.

She got nothing.

No, She got one thing.

A broken-heart.

She has done all of that just to have her heart was broken into pieces.

_**I've given up on you. Love fades. Mine has**_

It was the mantra that circling in her head right now.

_**Love fades. Mine has.**_

Those words whispered through her mind. Reminding her at the love she lost.

Suddenly realization hit her. He didn't love her anymore. Not anymore.

But who knew, maybe after all this time, all of it just an act. Just an act to make her fall for him. To play with her feelings because of boredom.

A play toy. That was what she meant for him.

No one loved her. Her mom, she left her when she just 4 years old girl in Academy, alone to grow up with a stranger. Her dad. She barely knew him. In addition, why is he show up now? Why didn't he a long time ago?

The answer was simple. He didn't love her.

Her best friend, sister, and bond mate.

Vasilissa Dragomir.

She just needed her for protection. To take the darkness from her when she used a lot of spirit so that she didn't go crazy. She turned her back when she needed her badly. Instead, she was comforting her ex-lover who just turned back into his Dhampir self.

Christian.

He was Lissa's boyfriend. They always fight. They never like each other. He surely hates her, right now. And he absolutely sure took Lissa's side.

Eddie, Mason's best friend. He too surely hate her, because it's her fault right, that mason was died? And in Las Vegas she almost risked his job.

See, no one love her. She was alone from the beginning.

_Yeah, no one loves you._

A voice whispered. Her eyes widened in surprised.

_You are not needed anymore. You are useless. A disgrace. That's why everyone leave you. That's why they don't love you. _

It whispered again more clearly.

"Why…?"

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><p>People in the gym just watching at her. They didn't know what to do. They were too shocked. Suddenly a dark cloud appeared from the ground where she stood. It engulfed her, starting from her toe.<p>

No one noticed it. It climbed up further, now up to her knees. One by one, they noticed it, now it up to her tight.

"What happen? What is it, Chris?" someone with brown hair and hazel eyes asked. Her eyes stared at his friend with fear. Fear for her. After all, she was all that he had left after his best friend, Mason passed away. Mason had asked him to look after her. Not just that, she was like a little sister to him. If anything happen to her, he would be damn.

"I don't know. I've never seen her like this Ed." Answered the other person. His black hair was wet from work out, but her piercing blue ice has the same fear like Eddie. Even if he always fought with her, he thought of her like a sister too.

Both of them love her. Not as a lover, but as a brother. After what they through together, it was hard not to care about each other.

"Eddie, do you think it's something to do with the darkness? I know Lissa has been used a lot of spirit lately. But I don't know if it's that much." Said the blue eyes. "Okay, we should search for them. I will go to Lissa, while you go to… Dimitri" suggested him.

"Dimitri? Christian are you crazy? Did he even want to face her? All he did this past week just pushed her away!" shouted Eddie. "I know, but once Lissa told me he was the one who calmed her down when the darkness took over. Remember Jesse incident? Remember how badly she wanted to kill him? Dimitri was who calmed her down. And I'm sure that this time is no other way." Explained the blue eyes Christian.

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><p>"Why...?" she barely whispered it but two people heard it.<p>

With her whispered and that explanation plant in mind both of them run with all their might toward someone who they thought could handle this.

_Why? Because you are a selfish bitch._

Her heart broke even more. Is that what they are thinking about her? A selfish bitch?

_Yes. They never loved you. They just took you for granted. You better disappeared. Nothing left for you. You are alone._

'I'm alone. I'm better disappear… nothing left for me.' Rose thought to herself.

Suddenly her vision started to blurry and out of nowhere, ghosts appeared one by one swirling around her. They stared at her with their mouth hung open as if they wanted to say something. Headache came to her head. It was the worst headache she had ever felt. Her head was like being hit and exploded. They made a circle around her body and trapped her there making her scream and the headache even worse if it were possible.

Slowly the dark cloud that just reached her tight climb up until her head swallowed her in it completely.

She screamed a blood-curling scream. It sent shiver down their spine. No one in their life ever heard a scream like that. Full of terror, fear, heartache, sadness, lost, reject, hate, regret, anger and acceptance.

She accepted that no one ever love her. That she was in fact alone. She accepted that she must disappear.

She already gave up. Gave up hope. Gave up love. And gave up life. She gave up everything.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry... Dimitri I'm sorry. Mom, Dad, Lissa, everyone I'm sorry." She whispered repeatly "Dimitri… I'm sorry. I love you. I'm sorry I'm not good enough. I'm sorry I lov-.." before she finished she already fell into the blackness.

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><p>What do you think? Good? Or bad?<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

**Guys…. Thank you so much all of you… XD I'm speechless. It's the highest hits I've ever had.**

**Okay, maybe this is a bit shorter than the last… but I think I should end it there. However, I hope you like this chapter. I think I need a beta-reader. Someone told me that I need to work on my phrasing and etc. Therefore, if you know someone who could or want to be beta-reader to my stories please, inform me through review or message guys…**

**Katia and Free Light Spirit : thank you for your reviews… I couldn't reply through message since you didn't log in. Hope you like this**

**Well, here the chapter. Happy reading guys… XD!**

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><p>Dark.<p>

It was dark. But how could she see herself?

She looked around again; searching for the evidence of another living being.

However, it was hopeless. She couldn't find anything. There was nothing. Everywhere she looked, there was only darkness.

Darkness and darkness.

She wanted to get out of there. She felt lonely and vulnerable. She hated feeling like that.

She walked further aimlessly. Hoping to find any other way out.

How the hell could she even be here?

How? She tried thinking.

Nope. She couldn't remember anything.

What's her name anyway? Who is she?

It's cold. She thought.

Suddenly something weird happen. Smoke appeared out of nowhere. It gathered around then it changed become a girl.

A girl like her. Another her.

Everything about her was the same you could mistaken them as twins. Except their hair and eyes. The real Rose has a dark brown almost black hair and dark brown eyes. But the shadow rose has both her hair and eyes pitch black.

It was hypnotizing. As dark as midnight yet so beautiful. Still, there was a gleam in shadow rose that made you… scared.

Slowly she walked toward the real Rose. Something told the real Rose to run. But she couldn't move. Every part of her body felt like paralyze.

There she is in front of the real Rose. A smirk forming in her face. A hand reaching forward and she pointed a finger toward Rose's forehead, touching it.

A blind light appeared from it. The real Rose screamed. It hurts. Her head felt like it was hit by a giant truck. Couldn't hold up with the pain she surrender into the blissful darkness.

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><p>The Mass just over a few minutes ago. Everybody stood up from their seats and walked out of the church but one man.<p>

Sat in the back of the rows with his head hung low was the guardian. The once guardian turned strigoi turned back into his former self.

His eyes once hold a spark were gone replace with a haunted one. Moreover, if you had a supersonic hearing you could hear his heart breaking into pieces.

Regret, sadness, and pain evidence in his once beautiful brown eyes.

This time he could not really forgive himself. He was worse than the monster he was before.

Why?

He just told a lie. A big one at that to the love of his life and breaking her heart in the process. This time not like when he was that cold-blood monster that control him. This time he had a control of himself.

Why did he even say it? He never meant to say it.

True that not all beautiful thing in this world were no longer hold a beauty in his eyes after the restoration. But Her.

She was the most beautiful creature ever no matter what.

Then because of him too lost in his grief that every time he looked at her he saw all the things he did as strigoi. He forgot the beauty that she held.

When he tortured her. Took those innocent lives. Drunk from their life. Until he made her his blood-whore.

It drived him crazy

Without thinking, those few words flied out of his mouth. And when it happened, it was too late for him to take it back.

Regret washed over him.

He regret ever pushed her away when he was turned back. Sad that now maybe he has lost her.

Could she forgive her? The man who already broke her heart times? Could she still love her? The monster inside of him? Could she saw through him and saw the real him? The real him which buried deep inside of him because of fear and grief?

Yes. The answer is yes.

She already did that. Maybe she could forgive him and take him back.

With that plant in mind, he stood up from his seat. Like the other people, he walked out of the church and set to find his love.

Not after he took a few step, someone run in his direction with amazing speed. Someone he knew. Another guardian. The friend of his love's life.

One looked on his face; you would know something bad has happened. Very bad.

And he had a feeling what that something is.

Little did he know it was something that would make his guilt even bigger.

Something he had promised a long time ago.

_"I love you, Roza. I'll always be here for you. I'm not going to let anything happen to you."_

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><p>So, what do you think again? Just click the button… next chapter maybe we will see Dimitri's reaction? And don't forget I search for a beta-reader….! :D<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm so sorry everyone for MIA. I've been busy with searching for college and job. And of course the exam I should take… but here the next chapter… and then again sorry it's so short. I don't know why, but I just couldn't find myself to write a long chapter. Always like that. But next time I'll try, really. I just can't promise it.**

**One of my story has been removed from Fanfiction and i am so sad! T.T for you who read The Biggest Sin i'm so sorry. I will re-publish it again. The next chapter almost finish so just wait guys... And thank you for them who fav/alert this story. I love you guys... :D**

**Disclaimer: Vampire Academy belongs to Richelle Mead.**

**Happy reading guys... :D**

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><p>Not after he took a few step, someone run in his direction with amazing speed. Someone he knew. Another guardian. The friend of his love's life.<p>

One looked on his face; you would know something bad has happened. Very bad.

And he had a feeling what that something is.

Little did he know it was something that would make his guilt even bigger.

Something he had promised a long time ago.

_"I love you, Roza. I'll always be here for you. I'm not going to let anything happen to you."_

_Chapter: 2_

As soon as he heard it, he sprinted all the way to the gym.

In a flash, he was already making his way in the stunned gym. None noticed him. Everybody too engrossed by the scene in front of them. The now unconscious yet still crying girl too hard to take your eyes from.

When he reached her, he kneeled beside her.

His heart broke. His heart cried seeing her like that. What has he done to make her like this?

He didn't know what happened but his gut telling him that it has something to do with the darkness.

God, what kind of a man he is!

He promised her that everything was going to be alright. That nothing would happen to her. That she wouldn't become like Anna. That he love her and would always be there for her.

He fucking promised her.

Yet, he didn't fulfill it. He didn't do all of that thing. Now, it's just a useless words. Unimportant.

His Roza dying because of him. He regretted everything he'd done ever since he was restored. He shouldn't push her away. He should be in her arms right now. If only he didn't too blind and foolish.

Someone cried cutting him out from his daze state. When she looked down, there she is with a tears stain face and a look full of horror, like the ones she love leaving her all alone.

He couldn't stand the sight of her being so vulnerable. You think because of who she became like this. A voice asked inside his head. Even though he wanted to deny it, he couldn't. Me he thought. It's because of me.

Without hesitation, he scooped her in his arm and run to the infirmary as if his life depends on it. In a way it is.

"Doctor help! Hurry!" he shouted as soon as he reached the infirmary.

A moroi woman with brown hair and warm hazel eyes with glasses came to him; her face looked kind but stern. "What happen here?" she asked. "She just collapsed surrounded by dark clouds doc." answer Dimitri with his guardian mask on. All emotion from before he hid it very well. But his eyes would be one which would give away his real feeling.

Two nurses came rushing forward then took rose away and put her in the infirmary bed. They brought her to the ICU room. Leaving Dimitri alone in the hallway with his thought.

All the guilt came rushing back into his mind again. How could he? To hurt the only woman he has ever love beside her mother and sisters. It's unforgivable. He just hoped that everything would be all right, just like he promised a long time ago.

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><p><strong>Soo.. what do you think? Tell me what is on your mind, please.. I hope you like it. :D<strong>

**HeartKreuz Roza**


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